Sometimes I don’t know or maybe believe that it is God’s hand in the doings of my life. Challenges placed, obstacles removed, love endowed or taken away. Then just as quickly replaced with something other.
The light comes streaming in, at times gushes in and at other times it just squeezes in through the splintered shards that rip my soul, my gut.
How can this be? I wonder, because I, deep in the throes of my own self importance, has to wonder, is befuddled and overwhelmingly confused, that something other than light and goodness is happening to me? How can I deserve this? What have I done? How will I survive?
The five “I’s” , count them. I wrote the “I” five times in the sentence above and it’s those “I’s” that form the iron bars of my metaphorical cell. Their hard steel lines marring my view from seeing His hand in all things, even the hard and hurtful experiences of life … a family member’s cold shoulder, a stranger’s raised angry hand gesture, the torment and angst of a bank account in the deficit, or the dinner soufflé that falls.
Yes, it is often hard for me to see His hand when experiencing the hard stuff of my existence.
Yet, God was there for me before and He will be there for me now and always.
His plan, His will, His love sets me on my path. I may not understand it, but it’s divine and grace filled, if I only allow it to be so, believe that it is so, and have faith that it is so, in its own good and blessed time.
Patience needed and all the while, miracles still continue to happen …
Miracle List for the Week of Oct. 26
- Sitting in my car on the rooftop of a parking garage off Sunset Blvd in the Silver Lake/Echo Park area, fretting over a work deadline and meeting, my attention is called to the stillness of the moment. The flying jet in the distance. The slight movement of the telephone wires above. And the thin gauzy veil of clouds draped carelessly across the blue sky. Inhale, exhale. Urban peace atop a parking lot.
- On my way to my meeting in the office building elevator, a complete stranger asks how my day is going. I feel, somehow significant enough in this very large and anonymous urban center, that someone other than me would care about my day. I am happily stunned.
- I reach out to a fellow So Cal handmade goods maker for small biz advice and not only do I get great coaching but I receive kindness, generosity, and a happy heart. I am buoyed.
- The cardio tech at the hospital I visit every 3 months, and I chat during my regular procedure about everything but my health. She also turns down the volume of the machines I’m hooked up to so I don’t have to hear the ugly chugga-chugga, spurt, gurgle, sputter space woosh my heart condition makes with every beat. I am so very grateful for empathetic and sensitive medical caregivers.
- Despite the heatwaves of the past three months and in the midst of my dried out garden, a red rose blooms. I do have God and He has me.
x-o,
Mona